7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens–Think Win-Win
The fourth habit in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective teens is to Think Win-Win.
Sean Covey says “Think Win-Win is an attitude toward life, a mental frame of mind that says I can win and so can you. It’s not me or you, it’s both of us. Think Win-win is the foundation for getting along well with other people. It begins with the belief that we are all equal, that no one is inferior or superior to anyone else, and no one really needs to be.”
This habit reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: “The rising tide raises all ships” meaning if the tide comes in and raises one ship, it raises ALL the ships. So when we give freely to others and help others in any way we can, it helps us and it helps them. It’s a win-win.
Some other attitudes toward life that are not win-win are win-lose, lose-win, and lose-lose. A win-lose attitude is one where we think the “pie of success” is only so big and if someone else gets a bigger piece, there is less for me. So we try to make sure we get to the pie first and we get a bigger piece so we win and someone else loses. It’s full of pride. C.S. Lewis said “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man….It is the comparison that makes you proud, the pleasure of being above the rest.”
The lose-win attitude is where we’d rather be a peacemaker or not get in arguments and let others have their way with us so to speak. We become a doormat and we lose to let others win. This attitude will generally result in setting low expectations and compromising our standards and goals repeatedly.
The lose-lose attitude is like a downward spiral–if I’m going down, then you’re going down with me. Misery loves company and we’re taking everyone down with us. If we’re not getting what we want, we don’t want anyone else to get what they want either. Everyone loses in this scenario.
As Covey says “win-win is a belief that everyone can win. It’s both nice and tough all at once. I won’t step on you, but I won’t be your doormat either. you care about other people and you want them to succeed. But you also care about yourself, and you want to succeed as well….It is the believe that there’s plenty of success to go around. It’s not either you or me. It’s both of us.”
The win-win spirit can be applied to nearly any situation and makes us a magnet for friends and good relationships. It also brings with it a whole lot of feeling good about ourselves, our relationships and life.
